Dear Friends with Boobs,
Ever wake up, get dressed, and SURPRISE!
You look bad... Your whole outfit looks bad... Everything you try on to fix it looks bad...
That kept happening to me.
How could I not know how to dress myself? I’ve been doing it every day for 60 years.
But I didn’t know how, and I wanted to understand why dressing myself was so bloody difficult.
Could it be as simple as not making wardrobe decisions while still quasi-conscious? Could be.
But as I laid there this morning before rolling out of bed, I thought, "I’m too lazy to shave my legs which reduced my wardrobe options by half."
Then got on the scale and reduced those options by a third.
While brushing my teeth I saw the deep sleep grooves vertically scoring my chest. They’ll be gone by the afternoon so... best to reduce remaining options by three quarters.
By the time I emerged from the shower and heard a weather report for 92 degrees and 100% humidity my remaining options were:
- A long, sheer, peasant dress that required both a bra and a slip underneath
- A Hawaiian moomoo suitable for Halloween
- A too heavy pair of white, bell bottom jeans
- Hospital scrubs (I am not a doctor)
- An assortment of plain bra-requiring tee shirts
Could accessories improve any of these looks? I thought not.
Let’s move to a more woke time. Say 6:00pm.
“I can only think much of this led me to the creation of Sugarshirts.”
I am dressing for dinner with friends who are celebrating their anniversary. So nice clothes. Reduce wardrobe by two thirds.
Still haven’t shaved my legs... so reduce the remaining wardrobe by three quarters.
After reducing what’s left to what fits there are:
- Three irritating yet pretty blouses each requiring their own unbearable style bra
- Beige khakis that give me a wedgie
- Clingy black pants that show panty lines and lumpishness
- A too large, petal pink, linen tunic
- The moomoo and the peasant thing
Again, are there any accessories’ on earth to help here? Is a trench coat an accessory?
I’m noticing a pattern here. I’m calling it: Sugar’s Daily Delete.
As in, here I am and what don’t I want hanging out today?
When I was young, I’d delete my wardrobe by a third for the weather. Next was by what’s clean.
Had I shaved? Probably yes. I was young. Am I bloated? Usually. Delete by half.
Still overwhelmed by what remains I ask, “Too sexy for daytime?” Delete one sixth. Too business-y?
Delete another third.
Delete those boots. Delete the shoes that hurt. Delete sandals. Leaving only a left shoe of the right shoes.
“It looks good whether I ate a box of doughnuts last night or not.”
Now I have five reasonable get ups.
Three make me look like I’m trying too hard. The two remaining never looked that good. One itches.
Change into itchy dress. Put on shoes that hurt. Delete zit on face with whiteout.
Add more jewelry. I look like a Xmas tree... Delete jewelry.
On second thought, I’m young so just delete those earrings. Wear these earrings.
My hair is still in a braid from last night but always let sleeping hair lie.
I looked completely okay. After trying THAT hard!
I can only think much of this led me to the creation of Sugarshirts.
Right now, I’m wearing the first sample of my textured tee shirt dress. It’s only one thing. All I need to put on with it is underpants.
It looks good whether I ate a box of doughnuts last night or not.
Whether I’m wearing shoes or not.
Whether I slept in it or not.
It looks gorgeous at the voting booth! And I stuck a charm on the back so you don’t even need to add jewelry.
Can someone invent a Sugarshirt for my hair?!?